136.
Today will end..
Like tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after the day after…
***
a choice, to decide who you want to keep in your life and who not to.
tonight, i think i saw my grandpa, in the form of a very big but elegant moth, at the beginning of the 7th day after he left us, and scared him away.
I am sorry.
did you want to tell me something? I would have listened. but you left the moment i realized that it was you.
I am sorry i wasn’t there when you left us. I knew you wanted to wait until we graduate. Sorry I am taking longer than I should have.
thank you for making me your favourite.
I will never forget you.
135.
i can feel this mixture of sadness and numbness in me.
bracing myself for the epic drama
like everyone else, and forgot about how to simply mourn.
last song, for real now.
goodbye.
i will say no more, write no more, think no more.
this suddenly crossed my mind today.
How fitting.
132.
numb. tangled. lost. dilemma. desire. warmth.
where do i go from here?
***
I swore to live an honest life, to be a person of integrity
Look at me now
What have I become?
131.
before 9pm, it was going to be about how i knocked myself back on reality
***
even on that night, i was looking at you with those eyes
i knew i was.
i can’t track back when it started, how or why
and now that i think about it, there were also many other nights
***
“Moments like this, I can feel your heart beating as clearly as I feel my own, and I know that separation is an illusion.”
- Robert Frobisher, Cloud Atlas
***
And then I looked up at the sun
And I could see
Oh, the way that gravity pulls on you and me
And then I looked up at the sky
And saw the sun
And the way that gravity pushes on everyone
On everyone
130.
let’s write this into a story, and make it a beautiful one
the jokes of serendipity
***
“When the orbits of these two satellites of ours happened to cross paths, we could be together. Maybe even open our hearts to each other. But that was only for the briefest moment. In the next instant we’d be in absolute solitude. Until we burned up and became nothing.”
― Haruki Murakami, Sputnik Sweetheart
***
or maybe, it never weighs so much on your side of the level
tangerine, cedar, pepper, earth and dew
ground me, release me, open me up
why did i say those words
was it right? was it wrong?
at least this time round i didn’t hide it
you said let loose, and i did.
***
until i can’t smell it no more
129.
Will you still love me when I’m no longer young and beautiful?
Will you still love me when I got nothing but my aching soul?
***
Fitzgerald gave me hope in men, and distrust in mankind.
128.
Ooh the reason I hold on
Ooh cause I need this hole gone
Funny you’re the broken one but I’m the only one who needed saving
Cause when you never see the light it’s hard to know which one of us is caving
126.
in life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate.
and value lingers after death.
there is no end, only continuity.
